remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
