yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
