I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize