apparently the secret to your success is patron
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
it glows. i had to have it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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