I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
