I saw his package. It spoke to me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
