I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
