I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
