i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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