it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
