Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
smell my finger.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
