you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
