woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Dear god my vagina.
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