my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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