maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
