You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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