This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize