i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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