Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
