I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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