i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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