oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
