At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
