Don't you send me to vm
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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