I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize