It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
