I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize