It's just like the Real World with babies
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
