Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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