Pappa wants mamma naked
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
