my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
