Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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