It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
