i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
