Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
