Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
