Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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