you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
