dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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