actually, I'm a sock model
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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