Can Purell be used as lube?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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