Yo dont text me then not text me
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
