you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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