Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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