Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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