walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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