just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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