You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
