know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
