He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
