It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
