I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
