Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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