Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
