Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize