Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
