Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
