I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
