Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
