this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
