Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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