foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
