i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
