Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
tell me about the eggs
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
