last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
