Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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