So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize