There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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