The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
