There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
