you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
