you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
