dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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