Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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