so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
