Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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