We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize